As many of you know, Dustin and I are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Also known to everyone as Mormons. Yeah, yeah, yeah, some of you might be shocked by this if you didn't know already, but we are. Not perfect in any way shape or form, but it is what we fully believe in. Lots of you have heard me say that our love and marriage is eternal. Well, in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, that is what we believe to be true when you are sealed (married) in the temple. That you will be together for all time and eternity. I honestly did not know how true that was until I truly felt my marriage had ended. I mean, do we really know what happens after we die? Where do we really go? Unfortunately I still don't know those answers 100% but I do know there is a heaven and that the covenants made between Dustin, our Heavenly Father and I have not been broken. You see, before anyone knew something was wrong our oldest girl AmyLynn, who is 4, had come running frantically down the hall very late into the night on Monday, March 17. She was screaming out to me, "Mommy!! Mommy!! Where is daddy? Where is he? Something is wrong! Have you heard from him yet??" Being the mom I am I reassured her that everything would be OK and that her daddy was most likely fine. He was probably at work and didn't have time to message us because they were so swamped and that we'd get to Skype with him the next morning. I put her back to bed and noticed that all of our lights in the house were on. Hmmm. OK, weird. I thought I had turned them all off. Oh well, pregnancy brain gets the best of me after being pregnant 4 times. So off all the lights went and off to bed I tried to go. Tuesday morning came and went and then the inevitable happened. Little did I know how close Dustin would be to me and to our children throughout the next 2 weeks. And how close he has remained to us since that day. I could feel him so close, almost talking me through all of the final decision making I had to do hours, days and weeks after his death. I could feel him with me almost all the time and that was a huge comfort to me. There was one time that I could actually, physically see him. It was when we were putting the finishing touches to his temple garments for burial. I had struggled with what to bury him in. We had discussed this in private together before he left but it was a hard decision to make once the time actually came around. I prayed and pondered so earnestly for an answer and finally decided he needed to be in his temple garments. He was very happy and proud to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and I knew he would want to be in what made him the most proud. So as we finished putting the final touches on, I saw him. Oh how angelic and lively he looked! He had his big, happy grin on his face and gave me this look like, "You did it babe. Thank you." Right then and there I knew he was already telling everyone he could about the kids and I and how proud he was of us and how he couldn't wait to be with all of us again. No matter how long the wait. the day finally came that we had to lay him to rest. AmyLynn was very concerned about her daddy and the bugs getting to him because he had been buried in the ground. So we took her out to go see where he was buried and explain to her that daddy would be just fine and was very protected under ground. Right then I could feel him with me and what AmyLynn told me next brought tears to my eyes and confirmation to my being. Remember earlier how I explained how she had come running frantically down the hall that Monday night? Well, she explained to me what had happened that night. As we conversed together she had informed me that her daddy had come to see her and tell her that Heavenly Father was calling him home and that he was going to miss his little Goose so badly but that he was going to be OK. That he needed her to be a big girl and help mommy with her brother and sisters because he wasn't going to be there anymore. She said she had begged him not to go and that they were crying together and he gave her a hug and said he had to go but that he loved her so very much and would miss her so very much but he would never be very far and would always be able to watch her and love her from above. She said he hugged her so tight, told her he loved her one last time and said good bye and then he was gone. She said she turned on all the lights in the house because she was trying to find him and when she couldn't that's when she came to find me. Wow. OK. If that wasn't a testimony builder right there, I don't know what is! After hearing that from our 4 year old daughter, who couldn't have made that up if she tried, I knew right then and there that he was still living and that the feelings of him being so close were real. He may not be physically here anymore but his spirit was still very much alive and he wanted to make sure she knew that he was going to be OK.
Four days after Dustin was buried our church had its semi-annual General Conference. In the 4th session of that conference President Dieter F. Uchtdorf spoke on something that changed my life forever and for the better. He spoke to all about how we need to be grateful for everything even in the darkest hours of our lives. He also talked about everlasting beginnings. Now you might be asking yourself, "What in the world is an everlasting beginning?" Well, as I listened to his talk I learned what is was. As members, like I stated earlier, we believe that once sealed (married) in the temple we will be together for all time and eternity. So, our lives together never really end, they become an everlasting beginning. To quote Pres. Uchtdorf, "There are no true endings, only everlasting beginnings." It all made sense now! I mean it did before, but his talk really, truly confirmed it for me. My life didn't just end on March 19, although my human brain and heart sure seemed to think so, my life had just started! I mean, come on, I have the BEST husband out there! Who is watching, leading, guiding and continuously loving me from up above in heaven!! I might not have him here with me on this earth and a part of me will forever be missing until we are truly reunited, but our love can be felt so strongly throughout the eternities! Like we all see so many signs in our favorite store Hobby Lobby, A True Love Story Never Ends! And ours hasn't, it has only begun. It continues to grow stronger as each day passes, just as it did while we were still together in this earthly life. He helps me in ways I don't even know and I'm sure I help him in ways he doesn't even know. Yet at the same time we help each other in numerous ways that can be felt, heard and seen still to this day. I am so very grateful for the knowledge I have and the testimony that has only continued to grow since Dustin has left us from this earth. I am so very grateful that I was chosen to stay on this earth to raise our 4 beautiful children and to be able to tell them how wonderful of a love story their parents have because it is lasting through the veil. How grateful I am to have a second chance at life and be able to appreciate each and every day more than the last. As long as I can remember to be grateful, in the midst of my dark world, I will find happiness again. All because of my everlasting beginning! I am attaching the link to Pres. Uchtdorf's talk if anyone is interested in listening to it .Everlasting Beginnings
No comments:
Post a Comment