I'm sure many of you read this title and thought to yourself, "She doesn't need to be mom AND dad!" And I'd have to say you are right about that, to an extent. But how many of you married couples out there have a husband that does certain chores? Or talks to the kids a certain way when they continue to misbehave? Or who helps you take care of the kids? Or who does the yard work? I could ask a thousand more questions about what our husbands help us do around the house. Which is where I'm finding out I do have to be mom and dad, to an extent.
Dustin was an amazing husband and father. Not only did he work 10 to 12 to 15 hour days, he came home and helped keep our house running. He would help vacuum, do dishes, feed the dogs, make sure the dog poop was picked up, make sure all the trash was taken out, clean the bathrooms, mop the floor, dust the ceiling fans, wash windows, take care of our vehicles, prepare us for camping trips and a thousand more things that would probably take an entire page to write them ALL out. But after he died, I then had to do everything. All of the responsibility of keeping this household running fell on me. So honestly, a lot of things started slipping because I wasn't used to having to do them. One of the many things that stands out to me was one of the simplest tasks to him. The trash. And I'm not talking about just taking the trash out to the trash barrel. I'm talking about taking ALL of the trash out to the trash barrel. The bathroom trash, diaper trash, normal trash, recycle trash and yard waste. All while trying to remember what day the normal trash goes to the street to be picked up as well as the recycle trash and the yard waste trash! Simple enough right? Um . . . Nope. Most definitely NOT simple. Trying to remember what day my trash barrels go out while also trying to remember everything else I have to remember on an hourly, daily, weekly and monthly basis is nearly impossible!! So another instance that sticks out is when I prepared for our camping trip this past summer. Not only did I have to do the daily grind with the kids but I had to make sure they were all sufficiently packed, that we had all our fishing tack and rods, that we had enough firewood for the 4 days, enough food, water, all the camping supplies, all the dog necessities and then I had to pack it all in the suburban. I had to make sure the DVD players were set up and running. That they had enough in the car to keep them occupied for the 5 hour drive with them. It was no easy feat but I did it. When you all of a sudden have to do things alone, you really realize your full capacity. How well you can actually get things done. Like mowing the lawn or what I had to accomplish tonight. Our youngest had her 4 month well baby doctor appointment today so she received shots and we all know what shots do to us. But my shower drain has been SO incredibly clogged it's like I'm taking a bath when I shower so that needed to be unclogged. I also needed to vacuum and mop, fold laundry and do dishes. But, because of the lovely shots little missy received today she was pretty fussy. So, I decided I needed to prioritize my evening. I took care of her and then tackled my drain. Which took A LOT longer than I thought it would. But my drain is now unclogged, my sweet baby is comfortably sleeping and I had just enough time before bed to write my blog, instead of staying up till midnight completing the rest of my to-do list.
Now being a mother of 4 is tough stuff with a spouse. We all know that the mother/wife is usually in charge of making phone calls, setting appointments, raising the kids, keeping the house some what presentable, meal planning and prepping and a million other things. The dad/father is usually in charge of working to bring home the money, taking care of the vehicles properly, taking out the trash, killing the bugs, picking up the nasty stuff you don't want to even think about touching, being the dummy the kids wrestle on, the face you look forward to seeing the most in the evening and a million other things. So adding the two together makes for a very tough and stressful day, week and month and there were SO many things I took for granted that he did. But now that he is gone, its ultimately just me. I am going to be the one who gets us ready for camping. I will be the one to play Santa. I will be the one to help teach them how to fish and practice it. I will be the one to wrestle with them. Be there to comfort their sweet spirits. Keep this house running and as clean as possible. Make sure our furbabies are taken care of. Make sure the trash is taken out. Make sure my vehicles are taken care of and so much more!! It is all ultimately up to me. Even with as much help as I do receive from family and friends. At the end of the day, it is ME. Do I drive myself crazy? Hell yes! Every. Single. Day. But someone has to do it all and we all know not everyone can drop everything and come rescue me ALL the time. So just as I did tonight, I look at my to-do list and prioritize my time to what is the most important to me withing that moment of time. So that I don't kill myself trying to be mom and dad.
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