A Time and A Season

It has come to the time to where I have been able to heal a little more from this horrific tragedy I call my life.  It has been almost a year now and I have learned a lot within this year.  I have grown a lot.  I have realized that I can't do it all.  That I do break.  That I am strong, but it is because I let myself fall and I pick myself back up.  I have realized that I am ok with talking to complete strangers or new found friends about what happened.  About what was going on before, during and after it was all said and done.  I have realized that there really is a time and a season for every aspect of life.  For everyone.

Easy enough to understand, right?  You might think so.  I did too.  Before my life was shattered at the ringing sound of my doorbell.

Putting myself into situations with others where questions are asked about my late husband, some not even realizing I have a late husband, really made me stop and think.  It brought back a lot of those first emotions and feelings I had right after it all happened.  Anger, guilt, denial, more anger, wondering why now, etc.  But now that I am able to process all of this a little better, not much, but just enough to put things into perspective for me, I slowly noticed that there really is a time and a season for everything.

Right after it happened I was given a book called Lifetimes.  In this book life is explained so that a child can understand what life is all about.  It tells us that there is a beginning, a middle and an ending in life and that things can die any where from the beginning to the ending.  It explains that everything has a lifetime.  Reading it to my kids every night for almost a year now, it never really dawned on me.  Everything really does have a lifetime and it is unique to that thing!!  Well no Fricking DUH!!  We all know that!!  But STOP.  Think about it.  Fill my cup, put some . . . Oh, sorry, can't stop singing Uptown Funk!  Ok, back to my point.  For us as humans, we all think that we are going to grow old and die because we are old.  You never think that you will actually die before you're at least 75 nowadays.  So when it happens to someone as young as Dustin, or even younger and way younger you start to question your beliefs.  Whatever that may be, you wonder why?!  Why did that baby have to die before it even got the chance to take its first breath?  Why did that toddler have to die from cancer?  Why did that young boy have to get killed in a car accident?  Why did that teenager have to get pinned by a drunk driver and die from his injuries?  Why did an amazing father have to die from a vaccine?  Why did that mother have to die of cancer?  Why, why, WHY??? 

Unfortunately, none of us have the answer to any of those few scenarios of why people die "before their time."  But was it really before their time?  Or is that what we think and how we feel because as humans we have been taught that?  We all have our own perception of things.  And my perception of dying "too young" is not that anymore.  It's that, that was their lifetime.  They were sent from heaven to fulfill this short amount of time, to us, so they could live their life in the time span that was given them and accomplish what was asked of them.

Now, by all means, this doesn't take away the fact that for those of us that are left can just move on or press forward and get over it.  In fact, it is the exact opposite in my opinion.  It is so hard knowing that my sweet husband didn't even get to see his last baby girl come into this world.  That was his lifetime, though.  And dammit, it was a f*cking good one!

When you stop to think about those who have left you too soon, or even when it really was their time because they were old, they all left an amazing impact on your life.  They all somehow, someway taught you something that you will carry with you forever.  And we need to be grateful for that.  Anyone and everyone who has left this earth is a living legacy.  But it is up to us on how their lifetime, their time and season, is perceived.  And it is also up to us to remember, there really is a time and a season for everything.  No matter what we feel is "normal" for a that.