W-Day

You might be asking yourself, What in the world is W-Day?  Well, we all know that day in history called D-Day right?  It was a life changing day for everyone, right?  Well, I call March 19 W-Day.  The day my life changed in the blink of an eye.  Its the day they say I became a Widow.  Now, I say its the day they say I became a widow because its the day they found my poor husband, alone in his dorm room unresponsive.  Its the day they came and rang my door bell making my heart literally stop and my body feel the worst pain it has EVER  felt.

It started off like any normal morning did.  Kids got up earlier than I wanted, the whining started immediately, no one wanted to eat breakfast and I kept checking my phone for a message from him.  I had been really worried because I hadn't heard from him since Monday morning.  Which was not like him at all.  He would message me ANY chance he got and visa versa.  I kept telling myself that he was just busy.  I mean lets be honest here, he was in Korea, just finished a 100% inventory and those are not easy.  I messaged friend after friend letting them know of my concern.  All who reassured me he was probably fine.  He was in KOREA!  Nothing happens to them in Korea.  They go there, they work hard, they visit us halfway and then they come home and we move on.  Unfortunately, that didn't happen for me.  As each day passed, I had the WORST gut feeling ever.  I knew something was wrong.  But who wants to be that crazy ass military wife who calls their husbands CO because they haven't heard from them in a few days?  I sure as heck didn't want to!!  So I Googled anything and everything possible I thought could have happened in Korea.  My search came up empty.  And then there it hit me.  Oh my gosh, something is really wrong and I am going to get a knock no later than Wednesday.  Whether he is seriously hurt or he is . . . dead.  So back to that morning.  We had friends coming over so I could babysit their girls while their mom went to a dentist appointment.  She was late.  She's never late.  Ok, maybe she got busy with the girls and had a hard pregnancy morning.  She'll get here.  15 minutes went by and she still wasn't there.  Ok, this is just really weird.  Where was she?  Why was she late?  As I went to go grab my phone to message her and see where she was the door bell rang!!  Yay!!  They are here!!!  The kids ran to the door SOOO excited, looked out the window but didn't see who they wanted to.  Our oldest yelled out to me, "Mom!! It's two guys in blue uniforms like the nice ones daddy wears!!"  What?!  No . .  NO . . . NNNOOO!!!  If I don't answer they will go away eventually right?  No, no they won't.  So, tears in my eyes, I very bravely opened the door, invited them in and asked if everything was ok.  They immediately asked if we could sit.  Oh no, this is not good.  This is a dream.  Someone pinch me.  I'm need to wake up from this.  Well we sat down on my couch and they proceeded to tell me that they regretted to inform me that my husband, Senior Airman Dustin Owens had been found dead in his dorm room on 19 March, 2014.  WHAT!!!!!  This can't be true.  Breath!!  I'm 27 weeks pregnant.  BREATH!!!  He's healthy.  He's in Korea.  Nothing is supposed to happen to him.  BREATH!!!!!  I cried.  I screamed.  Seriously woman, B R E A T H!!!!!  I had to stop and process what they had just told me.  I needed to breath through my contractions I started having.  What was I to do now?  I don't have a college degree.  I'm 27 weeks pregnant, who is going to hire a pregnant lady in her 3rd trimester?  How am I going to tell our kids that daddy is never going to come home?  How am I going to give birth to this sweet, tender little girl without her father?  How am I going to . . . What am I going to . . . Oh Lord, this can't be true!!!  But it was.  The Chaplin and his CO from Davis-Monthan were so kind.  In my darkest moments they reassured me that everything was going to be ok.  That because my husband was in the military that they would take great care of the kids and I.  Is that what I honestly wanted to hear?  Not really, but it helped to somewhat put my mind at ease.  The rest of that day is almost a blur to me.  I remember calling family.  Telling them the worst news in my entire life.  I will never forget those phone calls.  Oh how those phone calls hurt so very badly.  It was almost worse having to call family and tell them the news.  The day seemed to drag on.  But throughout it all the military stayed right by my side, literally dropped everything they had going on to come make sure the kids and I were ok.  And still do to this day.  My church family stayed by me, dropped everything they were doing to come make sure we were ok, dropped their evening plans to come administer a blessing on me and anyone else who wanted one.  I felt completely alone and like my whole world had just ended.  Half my heart was gone.  For the rest of my earthly life, he was gone.  But in all reality, I was never alone.  I still am never alone  And I am so grateful for everyone who helped me in my darkest hours and for those that continue to help me through my darkest days, weeks and months.  I might have become a Widow on March 19, 2014 but I have gained so much from this tragic life event.  And for all that I have gained I will forever be eternally grateful.  To quote a book we read quite often at night, "Lifetimes are really all the same, there is a beginning and an ending and there is living in between."  None of us make it out of this world alive.  God just needs some of us back much sooner than others.  We all have jobs to do for Him, whether it is here on earth or it is up in heaven.  We will go and be where He needs us most.

Now you might be asking yourself, How in the world is she so strong?  How can she be so grateful for things that have happened after such a tragedy for her?  Well, one thing my husband was very good at, was helping everyone see the positives in life.  The more positive you are the better your life will be.  And I am here to attest to that.  I have my moments where I completely break down and ball for days.  But, I pick myself up, dust myself off and keep on trucking.  The better I truck along the more blessed I will be, right?  So the more blessed I am, the better my life without him will be and the faster it will seem to go, making our reunion in Heaven that much greater!  I am so blessed that I have the opportunity to stay here on earth and raise our 4 beautiful children.  We all have an amazing guardian angel now.  We might not like it and might not ever like it.  But he is always there for us and will always be there for us.  Like we used to say to each other all the time, To Infinity and Beyond!!!