It has been W A Y too long since my last post. But there has been a lot going on in my world, my storm.
In high school I had a quote that I loved. To this day it is still one of my favorite quotes. It reads, "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain." I never thought this quote would ring so true for me.
Back when my big storm started, there were other little storms circulating around me. As time passed, some of these storms became a little bigger and others stayed small. For a while, I didn't want to dance in them. I didn't want to face them alone. Until one day I realized that if I didn't do something, these storms were going to explode on me. So, I told myself that if I could survive the worst day of my life, these other issues couldn't be any worse.
With that, off I went into the brunt of them, taking them head on.
The biggest storm was with my son. I knew something wasn't adding up right. He was having melt down after meltdown. All day. Every day. He wasn't able to perform tasks that his younger sisters were starting to perform. So, I started asking questions to Dr.'s. Some didn't believe me and told me I needed to let hi grieve more. Others told me I needed to be a better parent. Others told me it was a phase and that he'd grow out of it. But I knew, deep down, something just wasn't right. We went to another pediatrician and my concerns were finally heard. We then started our journey with a developmental pediatrician.
This is where a small ray of sunshine peeked through my storm. She gave us a name, a reason and a diagnosis for him. She gave us a direction to go. A path to take.
This path had many specialty doctors to see. A cardiologist, neurologist, psychologist, phlebotomist and an occupational therapist. As time continued to pass and we were seeing these doctors and receiving more results, life continued to get harder with him. Every day was an even harder challenge than the one before. More issues arose and I kept having gut feelings about what I thought was going on with him. I kept hoping some one, some where down this road would see exactly what I saw. And then finally some one did.
During his appointments and my appointments with the Psychologist, the truth came out. He and I completed detailed testing and he was diagnosed with high functioning autism spectrum disorder, ADHD combined as well as anxiety. F I N A L L Y some one saw what I saw. Some one tested him with a very detailed test and found all of the areas and more that he struggles and yet is so incredibly bright in.
That storm finally gained clarity! I finally felt like I could dance in that rain!!
Now all the while this was going on, I had another, smaller storm surrounding me. My sweet middle daughter was constantly sick with strep throat. She was choking on her tonsils day and night. She wasn't able to breath out her poor little nose. We spent countless days at the doctor and even the ER. Her pediatrician referred her to an ENT and they decided that her tonsils and adenoids needed to be removed.
Well, low and behold, her surgery was happening the same week my sons detailed testing was finishing up. What a whirlwind for this momma! These two storms collided and I didn't know how I was going to muster through them. And then I remembered, they both were ending in clarity and were giving me the chance to dance right smack dab in the middle of both of them.
It hasn't been easy doing this without Dustin. But, having survived loosing him, these storms are so insignificant to me and seem so easy to dance through. I am ever so grateful to finally have the clarity I needed to push forward and to continue to be the best mom I can be for these kids.
I will forever be reminding myself, "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain."
