Routine and Organization

A lot of people lately have been asking me how am I able to be a single parent to four young kids and keep it together so nicely.  But really, I don't keep it together all that nicely.  I am human just like the rest of you.  I have my daily challenges with myself and each one of my kids that throws something off schedule.  And for us, that can mean many, like all four kiddos, having meltdowns because of whatever it might have been.  So really, what is my secret?

I'm here to tell you that I have 4 calendars.  I have my trusty daily planner.  In which I right out our routine.  When each kid goes to school, when each kid comes home from school, what time we eat breakfast, what time we get dressed, brush our hair, brush our teeth, go potty, have snacks and meals, quiet time, bath time and bed time and then appointments when necessary.  I then, after all of that is written out for the month (yes I do some things on a monthly basis), I pull out my handy dandy notebook!!  Wait, sorry, we've been stuck on Blue's Clue's lately.  I pull out my handy dandy smart phone and put reminders in my calendar AND my reminders app (I have an iPhone so its an automatic app) so that it reminds me of when to do these things.  Because like I've said, I'm human and forget things a lot.  I then sit down and do my chore calendar.  It hangs in my kitchen and tells me when I'm supposed to clean my house, do laundry, change my water jugs and have me time.  After I have that all set up, I again go to my trusty smart phone and set reminders for all of those tasks so I actually remember to do them.  Last but not least is my meal calendar.  I plan out every meal we eat.  Breakfast, snack, lunch, snack and dinner.  It's all planned out down to how much of a certain item I need at the store for the week.  Not only does this help save money tremendously but it saves me when I have a human moment and forget what I was supposed to make for dinner.

You might be thinking to yourself, holy shit, that's way too much for me to handle.  It would take me FOREVER to do all of that!!  But there is a method to my madness.  I set aside one evening a week or a month to do all of this.  And sometimes its a couple of evenings depending on what kid needed me when or when grief strikes and makes me not want to do anything.  So when I have my phone buzz at me, I feel important and then go and do whatever I have been reminded of and then I feel even more important because I adulted for that moment of time!  And lets face it, adulting can be really hard sometimes.

I usually also sit down each night as I'm drinking my calming juice for the night (it really is juice guys!) and go through what is needed to be done the next day and add any errands I need to run or extra thing I need to do that has been added from the previous day.

My entire routine is ever changing as well.  One thing I always leave room for is adjustment.  If something isn't working after a couple of months, I switch what ever it might be around.  And I do this until I find what works.  You can ask anyone who knows me.  I am always changing things until they work the way I need them to.  Feel free to comment with questions too!  If I can help you get better organized to be the best human you can be, I'm all for it :)

Before and After

So lately I've been having a lot more realizations coming at me.  Not ones I purposely think about.  Not ones I purposely talk about.  Just ones that randomly cross my mind.  One that happened to cross my mind while talking with my dad a couple of weeks ago was my happiness.  My dad and I always have very good, long talks about just me.  How I am doing, what I am doing and what my future plans are.  What I love about these talks is that they never center on what happened to me.  We both know its there and that it always will be, but that is never a topic of conversation unless it is brought up by something else we are talking about.  And the other day, that just so happened to happen.

So as we were talking and he told me that I seem to be really happy right now, I stopped and thought for a few moments in time.  As I thought I remembered how I've been feeling a separation lately.  One between the life I had with Dustin and the one I have now.  They are two totally separate lives.  Completely intertwined but very separate.  And that got me thinking about my happiness and after my mind had those few moments to process what he said and what I had thought about, I told him that I feel the happiest I've ever felt.  But in my after life.

I was the happiest I had ever been in my entire life in the several months and year right before Dustin died.  We had done it.  We had finally figured out life.  We knew each other like no one else.  We knew our kids like no one else.  We knew how to handle our life the way it needed to be handled.  We had learned each others love languages and did everything we could to show love in the way each other needed.  We were so incredibly happy and in such a good place.  Spiritually, physically and emotionally.  But then that was ripped away from me in a moment of time.

I didn't know how to handle it.  I didn't know how to put one foot in front of the other.  I didn't know how to go on without him.  And it has taken a lot of trial and error.  A lot of starting completely over with new routines because the old ones hurt too bad to continue.  It has taken lots of time and patience with myself, finding who I am as an individual again.  It has taken much faith and prayer, crying out to my Heavenly Father to just get me through the day so I can cross another one off my calendar.

Through all of this, though, I have been able to handle it.  I have been able to put one foot in front of the other and go on without him.  I have been able to find out who I am and make a life for our kids and I.  And show them that we can live and have fun still.  I have made my after life.  And I have accepted this after life.

I think there are many different parts of acceptance when you loose someone you love.  I think its different for each individual and the relationship you had with the deceased.  I think it's one of the biggest steps in the healing journey as well.  Once you've been able to accept, truly accept, that they are gone and that you have to continue on without them, you find more peace and solace.  You are able to think a little more clearly.  You are able to find your happiness like I have found mine.